Baby Steps

Out of all the programs I've looked through (which is a most frustrating process), I was surprised to find out that Cornell has the program I want to attend most. Me + Ivy League? Never thought I'd ever be applying, but today I started the process. Of course, the on-line application is not dial-up friendly and I haven't been able to get very far along, but I started.

I'm feeling uncharacteristically optimistic about my chances of getting in. I don't think I'll be devastated if I don't, but really impressed with myself if I do. It's really hard to imagine that as early as this fall I could be moving across the country to Ithaca, NY. It's practically in Canada! Stef will be the closest person I know to-six hours away. This all frightens me. Maybe frighten is the wrong word. This is all very unnerving. Desire for living out of Texas for awhile and adventure aside, this will be a huge adjustment. Moving back home was a huge set back for me. Things have gotten to comfortable and, me, undaring. I'm finding it hard to really get the ball rolling on this because of that. I'm even starting to doubt my decision and if it's really the next step God has planned for me.

Then I remind myself that what we are called to do won't always be fun. Most of the times it will be scary and hard and most definitely challenging.

I'm reminded of a conversation I once had with someone. This person said that all of their profs remarked on how much' potential' they had. This person's argument was that only using half their potential was still putting them near the top of their class, so why should they try any harder? At the time I think my answer was a blank stare, because their faulty reasoning dumbfounded me. I knew what I should say but I didn't. It's time like these that I regret not being wittier and thinking of the "perfect things to say" later. What I did come up with later is that a life lived half way is a life half lived. If we strive for nothing better than "getting by" then God will not be able to use us to our fullest potential.