90 Day Review
So, I've been up here for 91 days. This coming Tuesday is my 90 day review at work when I go off of my probation period (that is if they don't fire me ; )
I can't believe it's been 3 months. It's felt like 3 years. There have been so many different emotions running through me about this move that sometimes none of it feels real. I've come to the realization that I might have a fear of commitment when it comes to this move. I haven't changed my driver's license address, I don't have flare on my desk at work (less to pack up when I leave) and the walls of my apartment are still bare for the most part. If I really needed to, I could have everything packed up and ready to move out in 24 hours. The continual nagging feeling that something is amiss and I don't know what it is follows me and I'm still just as clueless as to what I'm supposed to be waiting for the Lord to reveal.
When I'm traveling for an extended period of time, there always comes a point of sensory overload when I feel like I just need to take a break and I don't care to see anymore. I just want to go home. That's sort of what I feel like now. Although, now, I don't feel like I have a home to return to. I don't know where home is.
When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!...I cry to you, O Lord, I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
Therefore, says the Lord of hosts: "Behold, I will refine them and test them..."
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
Psalm 142:3a,5 Jeremiah 9:7a Psalm 127:1a
posted by Mrs. Harmon @ 3:16 PM
1 Comments:
After a while, you stop asking. After a while, you forget that your toiletries are still in the green travel bag, even though you haven't traveled anywhere in a month. After a while, the last place you left something now becomes its permanent place. But then again, after a while, you change inside, and you realize that you have become stronger than all those people who have a "home," and you ask God, "What's next?" Fortunately, His plan is so big that whatever is next is already happening; it's just that sometimes His plan means He doesn't want you to know yet.
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