Desk re-visited
I wasn't kidding when earlier this year I said my desk is always a mess. "Prof. George Joseph Mann, AIA" :) always says a clean desk is a sign of a sick mind. I guess this means I'm really mentally stable.
This past week my LifeCare group, as I believe it is officially called by my church, met to discuss movement four of the book Velvet Elvis
Movement four dealt a lot with killing your "superwhatever" and living life more fully after "facing your junk". No, really, those are the words from the book. What this translates to is to look at yourself to see who you really are and letting go of the super(pastor, teacher, mother, friend, sister, etc) you are trying to be. By living your life to an unattainable standard you are cheating yourself and everyone around you.
I read this chapter at the end of the day on Sunday. Sunday morning I was "abandoned at Panera" (it's a facebook group and what happened to me; although, I didn't feel abandoned). I grabbed some cookies from Central Market instead and drove over to the Kimbell art museum (one of my favorites ever!). That morning in my car I reflected on a road trip taken in literally my first days of college. The scene that was before me just wasn't what was there, but also a picture that was taken that day of the group that went.
These questions surfaced:
Who am I?
What do I want out of life?
Who was that tiffany?
Who is the one in this car?
Is she still in me?
Will she ever re-surface?
Will I ever feel sure again of the next step and have goals and aspirations?
Right now, that's my junk. I'm letting go of not having to be the stepford wife-ish Martha Stewart prodigy. The kind of person who looks like they live in the pages of Simple Life magazine. That't not me. I don't fold my underwear anymore (a tip from Prof. Rodney Hill-"try it. It will change your life.") I'm slightly messy and I have too many ideas and not enough energy to get them done. I'm passionate, random and surprising at times. I'm who God created me to be. I'm broken and confused. I'm being re-modeled by the master architect.
Movement four dealt a lot with killing your "superwhatever" and living life more fully after "facing your junk". No, really, those are the words from the book. What this translates to is to look at yourself to see who you really are and letting go of the super(pastor, teacher, mother, friend, sister, etc) you are trying to be. By living your life to an unattainable standard you are cheating yourself and everyone around you.
I read this chapter at the end of the day on Sunday. Sunday morning I was "abandoned at Panera" (it's a facebook group and what happened to me; although, I didn't feel abandoned). I grabbed some cookies from Central Market instead and drove over to the Kimbell art museum (one of my favorites ever!). That morning in my car I reflected on a road trip taken in literally my first days of college. The scene that was before me just wasn't what was there, but also a picture that was taken that day of the group that went.
These questions surfaced:
Who am I?
What do I want out of life?
Who was that tiffany?
Who is the one in this car?
Is she still in me?
Will she ever re-surface?
Will I ever feel sure again of the next step and have goals and aspirations?
Right now, that's my junk. I'm letting go of not having to be the stepford wife-ish Martha Stewart prodigy. The kind of person who looks like they live in the pages of Simple Life magazine. That't not me. I don't fold my underwear anymore (a tip from Prof. Rodney Hill-"try it. It will change your life.") I'm slightly messy and I have too many ideas and not enough energy to get them done. I'm passionate, random and surprising at times. I'm who God created me to be. I'm broken and confused. I'm being re-modeled by the master architect.
I'm me. I'm His.
They do not cry to me from the heart, but they wail upon their beds.
For grain and wine they gash themselves; they rebel against me.
Hosea 7:14
They do not cry to me from the heart, but they wail upon their beds.
For grain and wine they gash themselves; they rebel against me.
Hosea 7:14
posted by Mrs. Harmon @ 3:19 PM
1 Comments:
I loved that book! I read Velvet Elvis last year, and I thought that most of it was awesome. I was a bit frustrated because he didn't seem to have a passion for bringing things back to Jesus, but his questions were good for making me rethink myself and my own perspective.
I am definitely not the same person I was in college. Thank Heaven! I wouldn't want to be him again. But he was necessary at the time so I could grow. I guess I like the idea that the real "Jason" is never going to be perfect; if he were, then I'd feel like the imperfect stuff (like the "me" of today) was a waste of time, and that would be depressing. Great post - thanks!
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